Potato Chip Muncher

I had left a bag of potato chips on the kitchen table. They were supposed to be for the party. Well, I stepped out of the room for two minutes. Guess who decided he wanted a snack? My big old German Shepherd. That's who. When I came back, that stupid dog had his big old snoot in the potato chip bag. "Schultz!" I yelled. "What are you doing?" He took his snoot out of the bag and finished chomping a potato chip. He gave me a look like, What do you think I'm doing? I grabbed that bag and looked inside. The chips were almost all gone. "You stupid varmint. Now there's none for the party!" He looked at me and burped. And then do you know what he did? He threw up! I kid you not. All over my nice carpet. "Serves you right, dummy," I said. "But you could've at least vomitted outside." Ugh. That dog!

Tagged!

Apparently there's a little game of tag going on in the blogosphere. I'm it. Thanks, Larissa T, from Papa is a Preacher for tagging me! Now, there are some rules to this game, but since I'm the Mama, I'm going to change them. Ha! The real rules are that I'm supposed to tell you 11 things about myself. Then I'm supposed to answer 11 questions I was asked. And then I'm supposed to make up 11 more questions and tag 11 bloggers to answer them. That sounds like way too much work, especially since I'm preparing for that surprise party which may happen at any moment. So, I'm just going to answer the questions I was asked, and then I'll tag however many bloggers I feel like tagging. Here goes: 1. Favorite Book? Tuesdays with Morray by Mitch Album. I haven't read it in a long time, but I remember thinking it was such a poignant story with a great message about what's really important in life. 2. Favorite color? Red. 3. Sweet/salty food? Sweet. Truthfully, though I prefer a combination. Chocolate covered pretzels are awesome. Which reminds me, I have to get that chocolate fountain out for the party. 4. Gift someone gave me that I'll always remember? My dad gave me an old antique doll for my fortieth birthday. It was just so sweet to think that I'm still daddy's little girl. 5. What is my favorite blog post? The one where my big old German Shepherd jumped into the bathtub with my unsuspecting son. (I tried to find the link, but didn't have luck. It's probably in an early 2011 archive or late 2010 archive. I just don't have time to look anymore.) 6. What annoys me? Slow drivers in the fast lane. And let me tell you, we have a lot of them in Cincinnati! (These run-on paragraphs from Blogger annoy me, too. Sorry if they're annoying you!) 7. Truth or dare (depends is not an option)? Hmmm. I'll go with truth, because my mom always taught me that I should be honest. 8. Did I collect anything as a kid? Yes. My parents introduced me to stamp collecting, but I'd have to say my real interest was in collecting rocks and seashells. I lived in Florida at the time, so I had quite a collection! 9. Bath or shower? Shower. I really don't like sitting in dirty water. 10. Would you ever use gel pens? Sparkly ones? Heck yeah! They make writing fun! 11. What makes you happy? Flowers, beautiful sunsets, quiet woods, babbling brooks - anything beautiful in nature...and meeting my writing deadlines! Now for the tagged bloggers. (If you get tagged, you can follow the real rules and use the same questions I answered, or do your own thing. I won't ground you if you decide to do that latter.) 1. Jabblog 2. Visions of Other Worlds 3. L. G. Smith 4. Brenda McKenna 5. Simon Willis 6. Tamara Narayan 7. Annmarie Pipa Be sure to stop by and visit these bloggers.

Mama the Tank

"Mama," my son said. "You're a tank." "Excuse me?" I said. I'm a rather petite individual, so I'm not exactly accustomed to being called a tank. And since I happened to be in the pool wearing a bathing suit, I wasn't too thrilled with that description. "Explain yourself." The boy crawled on my back. "You're a centaur tank. We're doing a military maneuver." He brandished his water gun and started spraying into the air. Oh. That made sense. So I played along with his little game, plowing over waves, reaking havock in the pool. Then the boy spotted my husband, who is considerably bigger than me. He hopped off my back and relocated on my husband's back. "Sorry, Mama," he said. "I need a bigger tank!"

Trouble in the Pet Shop

There seems to be a little trouble in my son's outdoor pet shop. Actually, there seems to be a little trouble regarding outdoor pets around here. It started when my son's friend came to the door, looking all distraught. "Did Bubba steal my turtle?" Huh? "I don't think so," I said. "Let me check." I went into the woods to see if my son had a turtle in his "pet shop" tank. He didn't. I asked him about the turtle. "Do you know anything about your buddy's missing turtle?" "No," he said. "I just saw it when I was over there. It was in a little container." Then he added, "Mama, my pet tadpoles are gone!" Uh oh. Sure enough, the tank was empty. Something a little fishy is going on here. I think we better keep an eye out for a possible critter thief!

Surprise Party

"Mama," my daughter said. "Do you know my friend who is moving? We're going to have a surprise party for her." "That's nice," I replied. "When are you having it?" "Monday." "Where's is going to be?" She got quiet. "Well, my other friend was going to have it at her house, but the friend who's moving found out about it, so now we're having it here." "What?" I said. I wasn't exactly prepared for hosting a party. "Yeah. Here's a list of things we will need." She handed me a piece of paper with everthing she wanted, including chocolate for a chocolate fountain. "Um, okay," I said. "What time is this party going to be?" "I don't know," she said. "You'll just have to be ready." Great. (Why do I have a feeling this surprise party was more of a surprise to me than to anyone else?) Wish me luck on this. I'm going to need it! (Oh yeah, and she said every girl in her class was coming. That's about 15 girls. Oy!)

Spider in My Hair

Wasn't I just commenting on how I needed a haircut? Well, apparently a little critter decided to take up residence in my long tresses. I was cleaning the bathroom sink, when I happened to glance down at some strands of hair that were hanging over my shoulder. I had to take a second look, because what I saw was small and brown, and it had legs. Then it started scurrying up a piece of hair, like it was a web, or something. It was an itsy bitsy spider, the same color as my hair! "Aghhh!" I yelled. I quickly brushed that thing out of my hair and into the sink. Then I turned on the water, and flushed it down the drain (please don't call the animal protective agency to report me. It was self defense - I swear!) I'm thinking that little guy must've hitched a ride when I was outside weeding. My hair must've looked like the perfect camoflauge. So tomorrow, I'm getting a haircut. Hopefully there are no spider brothers and sisters hiding out in my hair . I don't need any more pets!

Guest Blogging Today

Hey everybody, I'm over at Dawn's blog, Since You Asked, sharing a story about another one of my Mama mess-ups. Come on over and read all about it!